We near the big day for "J". He grows at a mystical rate yet still clings to his infant behavior. As we appraoch his "Day of Decision," I begin to hope that he will stay knowing that he will most likely leave. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life and perhaps on this small scale it is a lesson to inspect. My role seems to be one of nurturer, giving to those in need and denying my own desires until at last I have given all that I can. No, no...I am not a martyr. Trust me when I say that I am broken, and disillusioned each time that this process concludes and renews. Perhaps I should embrace this aspect of myself. Submit to my natural instinct and let my soul be nourished by that which I have tried to negate and struggle against for Lo! these long years.
Possibly, it is "J" that has come into my life to help me realize these grand life lessons.
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The term in Buddhism is "bodhisattva". Or "truth helper". They nurture a soul, foregoing their own enlightenment and passing to Nirvana until the soul they are nurturing achieves theirs. Sorta like a guardian angel. Not a bad role to play. *smiles*
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